Religion is defined as belief in and worship of a controlling power and atheism is precisely not that.

Disneyland's a mess. And it's not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono.

Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.

I don't think all life is precious. I know people say that all the time, "Life is precious." I think some life is precious, and some life is just a waste of protoplasm. Start over.

As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.