Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
Bill MaherObama is huge in the polls these days. His popularity is soaring. Even conservatives are coming around. 30 percent of them now believe Obama deserves a Green Card.
Bill MaherThe jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
Bill MaherI kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'
Bill MaherDuring the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
Bill MaherTo me, being brave is an element that is so important with stand-up comedy. It's not essential. There are many comics who were just funny, and that's fine, too. But that's never been what I was trying to do in comedy. I was always trying to do something that involved not pandering to the audience.
Bill Maher