They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard.

I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.

I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?

I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider. And Also FOX News makes people stupider.

Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid.

There are people who think everything is a conspiracy and I think they're crazy.

You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.