If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.

But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children.

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context.

Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school.

When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America. They want an America free of drugs that are their competitors.

I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.