Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.

The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy

New Rule: If you can force a woman to look at a sonogram—to see what will happen if she has an abortion—you also have to let her see a crying baby, a bratty five-year-old, and a surly teenager to see what will happen if she doesn’t. And you have to tell her it costs $204,000 to raise it until it turns eighteen, in 2028, where it will be a slave to the Chinese, in a radioactive world with no animals, fish, or plants.

What does it take for Republicans to take off the flag pin and say, 'I am just too embarrassed to be on this team'?

Newt Gingrich was campaigning at a zoo this week and he was bitten by a penguin. Newt Gingrich is always campaigning at zoos. Mitt Romney once did a photo op at a zoo. That was a big mistake, because he stood next to the chameleon, and HE changed colors.

I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.