This is why rational people - anti-religionists - must end their timidity and come out of their closet and assert themselves.

They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton.

I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.

Democrats are lame. The media is lame. And Donald Trump hasn't even played his war card yet. You know, he could start a war and get a lot of support there.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'