Why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains?

They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

I just don't think a lot of Republicans like it when single women have sex.

Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, 'The Elephant in the Room.' And People magazine named him 'Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.'

You can't pray away global warming, and that's the difference between religious people and sane people.

There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.