There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor.

This Ted Cruz guy, I mean, he incurred the wrath, really, of his own party. They don't like him. Democrats hate him. Independents hate him. Republicans hate him. Even Miley Cyrus, he's the one guy she refuses to lick.

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

I'm just honest. They [asians] don't want to see black people generally in their movies.

Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?