Everybody has a magazine and a channel. There are 500 channels and 500 magazines, and we wonder why we're not united as a country.

I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.

Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana... About 50,000 times.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

I don't know if [Barack Obama] saw the latest religion survey, but almost a quarter of the country are Nones. I don't mean the ones who hit me on the knuckles with a ruler in Sunday School - I mean they put "None" for religion.