Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he has to show I.D. when he votes.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.

When I hear from people that religion doesn't hurt anything, I say really? Well besides wars, the crusades, the inquisitions, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, the suppression of women, the suppression of homosexuals, fatwas, honor killings, suicide bombings, arranged marriages to minors, human sacrifice, burning witches, and systematic sex with children, I have a few little quibbles. And I forgot blowing up girl schools in Afghanistan.

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

It just seems like atheists are not included in the basket of diversity in America, which is odd because we are the biggest minority. That is a bigger minority than any other minority you can name.