New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass...and, by god, today they went in and looked for it... They didn't find it. So now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "success" in the same sentence.

I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.

Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

I'm a pessimist by nature. A pot head, but a pessimist.

Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it

What's going to be hard for the United States is that our policy for a long time has been a two-state solution; the Palestinians should have their own state. Now, the Palestinians are going to the U.N. and saying, 'We're having the U.N. vote to say we have our own state. Well, if that's your policy, United States of America, why are you vetoing it?' Which we will do.