Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years ago, spent three days in the hospital, and maybe she has brain damage. You know, I don’t recall the Republicans being this concerned with mental fitness during the years when Reagan was talking to house plants in the White House.

It's so easy to demagogue the issue and make someone who speaks out against the internal-combustion engine sound like an insane communist, when the truth is that the internal-combustion engine is the biggest threat to my life in the next 25 years, in terms of what it's doing to our environment and how it's depleting the ozone layer and so forth.

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.

I'm a pessimist by nature. A pot head, but a pessimist.

There are only three ways a congressman goes out: They die in office, they cash in as a lobbyist, or they mistakenly tweet a picture of their d*ck.