Last week John McCain said the fundamentals of our economy are strong. This week, he said it's the worst crisis since World War II. So he suspended his campaign, unless you count doing interviews, airing attack ads, sending out surrogates on TV to attack Obama.

New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina has a sign out front that says 'Obama... Osama... Hmmm... Are they brothers?' No, they're not brothers. In fact, they're not even related, which is more than I can say for the married couples in your church.

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

My father was a news guy, you know, he was in radio news. And so that was sort of in my DNA. It was something we talked about at the dinner table when I was a kid.

Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.

Thanks [Donald] Trump for exposing evangelicals as 'shameless hypocrites'.

Your fuselage shouldn't open more easily than your pretzel bag.