The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.

France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?

You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.

Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.

Nobody in America who wants pot has any trouble getting it, so maybe that's why we aren't seeing support for legalization. People don't think it's necessary to legalize it, because it's so easy to get it.

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!