I improvise whenever I feel it's important, or whenever I think that something's there. It's nice to have a script that's so well-written that I don't have to improvise. I mean, I used to have to re-write whole movies; this is kind of nice.

I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that's sort of how you're supposed to live.

Buddy Hackett [was] talking - this is Hackett, not me - about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families ... the look of absolute horror. He's going on and on and on, and finally he stops. It's just total horror, and the camera's still rolling. You can hear it, sort of a grinding noise. And the director says, "Anything else, Bud?"

Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual.

Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.

Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.

The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.