We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.

And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!

I went to Second City, where you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good and National Lampoon, where you had to create everything out of nothing, and SNL, where you couldn't make any mistakes, and you learned what collaboration was.

It's much harder to play beloved than to play a rotten guy. Rotten guy is a piece of cake. So playing a beloved person really sets a high bar for your behavior and your acting and what you project.

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.