Don't think about your errors or failures; otherwise, you'll never do a thing.

We still have to put some cherry syrup on it, and then we can eat it

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."

When you see grown men near to tears because they've missed hitting a little white ball into a hole from three feet, it makes you laugh.

You know the theory of cell irritability? If you take an amoeba cell and poke it a thousand times, it will change and then re-form into its original shape. And then, the thousandth time you poke this amoeba, the cell will completely collapse and become nothing. That's kind of what it's like being famous. People say hi, how are you doing, and after the thousandth time, you just get angry; you really pop.

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.