I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.

I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.