The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation.

A box of new crayons! Now they’re all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they’ll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when...Hello?

I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

I've never sat down to quantify how many hours I actually spend on the strip. I use the deadlines to estimate my progress; each month I know that I have to produce so many strips, and by the end of the month I'll make sure that I have.

MOMMMM, I'm thirsty... What's this, just water?