The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in... But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.

They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around.

If you give a little credit to the concept of the artist, I think you ought to indulge excesses a bit, because that reflects the personality of the writer. Now if a joke is in bad taste or it's not funny, okay, that's awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer's job is, and I don't think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

Genius is never understood in its own time.

The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.