As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as I don't even like riding in elevators.

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.

Cleveland is a really hard place, it's a very creative place, it feeds you creatively, but it's a very hard place to make a living creatively.

Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.

I'm a man of few words." "If you read more, you might have a larger vocabulary.

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well.

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.