As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as I don't even like riding in elevators.

You know what's the rage this year? ...Hats.

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.

Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.

Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.