I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

I wonder where we go when we die?” “…Pittsburgh?” “You mean if we’re good or if we’re bad?

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.