At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn't have something to say on a nightly basis.

I quit drinking. That was a big problem for a lot of years. Then after that, I just started feeling grateful again.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.

I always came away thinking "I'd like to see her more," you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought - Bette [Midler]. So we called her.

I've always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That's why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo.

When we had the girls, my daughter Jenny gave us like a Bible from my daughter of, "Don't feed them this; don't feed them that, if she says this, don't say that," It was crazy!