It's money. I remember it from when I was single

At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn't have something to say on a nightly basis.

I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet. That's why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

I always came away thinking "I'd like to see her more," you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought - Bette [Midler]. So we called her.

Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I'd always go off book and start improvising.

My mind is always going. I'm always thinking what I need to do, what I haven't done, what I did do, what I didn't do as well as I could - I'm relentless that way with myself.