If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

I'm delighted with it, because it used to be that films were the lowest form of art. Now we've got something to look down on.

Jerry: Oh, you don't understand, Osgood! Ehhhh... I'm a man. Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect.

One's too many and a hundred's not enough.

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.