It's that weird need to make tragedy about us. When you look at 9/11, there's people who really died and family members who really suffered. And then I would be in Montana, and a guy would go, "You know, I was close to Ground Zero." And it's like, "What are you talking about? You're in Montana." Everybody had to make it about them.

The bar for being shocking doesn't even exist anymore. What am I going to do to shock people? Seriously, try to get The Fisting Musical off the ground? Its really at this point, there is no bar.

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

In fact, with Michael Jackson, I think those mourning people... They aren't even waking Michael, they're waking the Michael Jackson of '84. They never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in '84.

Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

Fame is like a big eraser. It's strange, now that I'm famous. In my parents' opinion, all the shitty things - all the wreckage of my past - is erased. Now it's like I was never the kid who got arrested. Now I'm a wonderful son.

How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am.