Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up giving you a temporary lift.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it Lesbian or Midwestern?

I jog, actually; I go at night. A lot of women, they don't like to go jogging alone at night. They're afraid they might get accosted. I go naked. That way, if there are any perverts around, they think I'm already being chased.

Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

There's no such thing as a feminist - just women who pay for their own breast implants.

You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.