Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

When I first got into this biz called show, I decided I was going to change my name, make it more Hollywood. And you know how you do that? You take your middle name and the first street that you ever lived on. So when I first started, I actually went by Sue Rural Route 2.

There's no such thing as a feminist - just women who pay for their own breast implants.

When you're pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman came up and she said, I have one word for you: epidural. And I was like, Oh my God, thanks. But we already picked a name.

I could never be a lesbian because I have a really good sense of humor.

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.