Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn't have running water for a long time and we didn't have TV. Then when we did get TV we only had one channel.

I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was I should cut my bangs.

When I first started doing stand-up, I would be so nervous that I would just binge drink really heavily right before my sets, and as you can imagine, that had its drawbacks. But now I'm a professional, so I pace myself throughout the day.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it Lesbian or Midwestern?

Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up giving you a temporary lift.

When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator.

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby... because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.