It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, "Oh, what do I do for fun?"

The personal boundaries, I think for comedians they're a little bit different anyway, but I think people - feel free to do stuff - It's interesting with comedians because when we walk on stage, oftentimes we're talking about ourselves for an hour and we're talking about very intimate details, so after hearing us for an hour, a lot of people feel very comfortable with us because they feel like they know us and they're our friends because we just told them our innermost secrets and details of our lives for an hour. What they forget is we know absolutely nothing about the audience.