We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass.

Being thick isn't an affliction if you're a footballer, because your brains need to be in your feet. And Beckham works hard, he's brave and he crosses a ball superbly. He treats a football like he does a wife, lovingly, with caresses.

For all his horses, knighthoods and championships, he hasn't got two of what I've got. And I don't mean balls!

On occasions I have been big-headed. I think most people are when they get in the limelight. I call myself Big Head just to remind myself not to be.

Walk on water? I know most people out there will be saying that instead of walking on it, I should have taken more of it with my drinks. They are absolutely right.

Don't send me flowers when I'm dead. If you like me, send them while I'm alive.

If he'd been English or Swedish, he'd have walked the England job.