When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?