A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.

The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.