A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.