Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.