I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.
I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.
If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.
A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.