If one more person tells me this is just like old times, I swear I'll jump out the window.

And if there is sweeter music this side of heaven I haven't heard it.

Charlie Chaplin and I would have a friendly contest: Who could do the feature film with the least subtitles?

What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

They say pantomime's a lost art. It's never been a lost art and never will be, because it's too natural to do.

I was mad at the time, or I would never have done the thing.