Sometimes the concept you're questioning makes more sense to ask just the second one and not the first one.
Byron KatieAfter you've been doing inquiry for a while, if you have the thought "She doesn't love me," you just get the immediate turnaround with a smile: "Oh, I'm not loving myself in this moment."
Byron KatieThe mind usually says, โI know, I know, I know.โ But the โdonโt-know mindโ is where wisdom lives.
Byron Katie