Why on earth have I, because I'm a woman, got to be nice to everyone?

Self-harm - the world will come at you with knives anyway. You do not need to beat them to it.

Life divides into amazing enjoyable times and appalling experiences that will make future amazing anecdotes.

If you're not a confident person, pretend to be one.

But nearly every woman I know has a roughly similar story - in fact, dozens of them: stories about being obsessed with a celebrity, work colleague or someone they vaguely knew for years; living in a parallel world in their head; conjuring up endless plots and scenarios for this thing that never actually happened.

If you can find a frock you look nice in and can run up three flights of stairs, you're not fat.

You think it doesn't really matter if you screw up this time around because you can just sort it all out in paradise