I just want Tina Fey to be my best friend. And Lena Dunham. And Oprah, too.

My core belief is that if you're complaining about something for more than three minutes, two minutes ago you should have done something about it.

What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be. Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.

All art is someone trying to tell you something.

Never love someone whom you think you need to mend – or who makes you feel like you should be mended. There are boys out there who look for shining girls; they will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart. The books about vampires are true, baby. Drive a stake through their hearts and run away.

I have a rule for working out if the root problem of something is, in fact, sexism. And it is this: asking 'Are the boys doing it? Are the boys having to worry about this stuff? Are the boys the centre of a gigantic global debate on this subject?

You can always tell when a woman is with the wrong man, because she has so much to say about the fact that nothing's happening.