Who doesn't have a friend who worships her lover with a passion that seems baffling to everyone that knows them? Before you met him for the first time, she'd talked him up like he was a cross between Indiana Jones, Barack Obama and The Doctor. When you finally meet him, he's a quiet little thing who looks like a baked bean in glasses, and actually says 'harumph' as spelt.

Self-harm - the world will come at you with knives anyway. You do not need to beat them to it.

A majority of women's magazines feature women who do amazing things, but then the article focuses on how she ruined it with her shoes.

I could have written a misery memoir and instead I tried to make it funny. I never complained.

I have read more about Oprah Winfrey’s ass than I have about the rise of China as an economic superpower. I fear this is no exaggeration. Perhaps China is rising as an economic superpower because its women aren’t spending all their time reading about Oprah Winfrey’s ass.

Life divides into amazing enjoyable times and appalling experiences that will make future amazing anecdotes.

And every book, you find, has its own social group--friends of its own it wants to introduce you to, like a party in the library that need never, ever end.