Everything was blamed on Castro. Mudslides in California. The fact that you can't buy a decent tomato anymore. Was there an exceptionally high pollen count in Massapequa, Long Island, one day? It was Castro, exporting sneezes.

Taking pleasure in the dark side may be some sort of occupational hazard for reporters.

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty. If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?

If bumblebee leavings and stump paste are so good for you, why can't any of those guys (in the health stores) grow full beards?

The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism.

I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.