Everything was blamed on Castro. Mudslides in California. The fact that you can't buy a decent tomato anymore. Was there an exceptionally high pollen count in Massapequa, Long Island, one day? It was Castro, exporting sneezes.

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

With humor, it’s so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.

The ceiling on taxation of capital gains reflects the national belief that speculation is a more worthwhile way to make a living than work.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.