As part of my research for An Anthology of Authors' Atrocity Stories About Publishers, I conducted a study (employing my usual controls) that showed the average shelf life of a trade book to be somewhere between milk and yoghurt.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

How did Italy manage to end up with no Caribbean islands at all? Christopher Columbus took the trouble to discover the Caribbean personally before the end of the fifteenth century. Try to get a decent plate of spaghetti there now.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?

When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.