The way I read Billy Carter's testimony, he was a model citizen himself until the voters went and ruined his life by making his brother President.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan.

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.

Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

Although I grew up in Kansas City, ... I have always kept more or less au courant of Texas barbecue, like a sports fan who is almost monomaniacally obsessed with basketball but glances over at the N.H.L. standings now and then.