Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

At the end of the day, I don't think I am going to be judged by what happened in the 90's and 2000's, at the end of the day my career will be judged from beginning to end and everything in between.

When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.