When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!

I don't want to spend my time thinking about somebody else, I want to spend my time just being me and embracing life and living it and being there. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for my words and my thoughts and that's how I live.

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.