When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!

When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!

As the artist, you have to live in order to experience life to put that out there, and when you are successful in America and in the world, your point of view is the 5% and not the 95%, but you have to represent the 95% so you have to find a way to experience life the way they do.

I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.

Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.

Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!