If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!

I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!

Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

If your gonna drop out of school / tough grades are not your goal / then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole.