I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.

Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!

Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

Do not encourage my behaviour.

Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.