I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.

If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!

I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.

If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.