The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.

I don't want to spend my time thinking about somebody else, I want to spend my time just being me and embracing life and living it and being there. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for my words and my thoughts and that's how I live.

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.