I don't want to spend my time thinking about somebody else, I want to spend my time just being me and embracing life and living it and being there. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for my words and my thoughts and that's how I live.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.