You're not surprised when alcoholics act like alcoholics. It's more surprising when non-alcoholics start acting like alcoholics.

No, as it turns out, I really like being congratulated on my weight loss. I like it so much, it's tragic.

Running for office is the least aerobic of the socially interactive sports.

I have a chemical imbalance that, in its most extreme state, will lead me to a mental hospital.

All I know is that you can chop up all the onions and the whatevers you want and put it on top of caviar, but you still can't disguise the fact that you're eating fish eggs. Ugh!

I used to refer to my drug use as putting the monster in the box. I wanted to be less, so I took more - simple as that. Anyway, I eventually decided that the reason Dr. Stone had told me I was hypomanic was that he wanted to put me on medication instead of actually treating me. So I did the only rational thing I could do in the face of such as insult - I stopped talking to Stone, flew back to New York, and married Paul Simon a week later.

Kevin Smith is a very challenging conversationalist and Jay has many great stories.