Mothers are great. They outlast everything. But when they're bad, they're the worst thing that can happen.

My life is like a lone, forgotten Q-Tip in the second-to-last drawer.

Instant gratification takes too long.

In my opinion, a problem derails your life and an inconvenience is not being able to get a nice seat on the un-derailed train.

A story a friend told me about being in New York and meeting this Latin-lover kind of guy. They went up to her hotel room, and the guy kind of pounced on her and told her to spread her legs, shouting, "Surrender the pink! Surrender the pink!" That's where it's from.

My father just got out of the Betty Ford Clinic. He's in his 60s, and this was the first time he ever did anything like that.

Meg Ryan was nice [ in When Harry Met Sally] ... the writing was good ... but it was really kind of a boy's club, I mean, there was Bruno Kirby, Rob Reiner, Billy Crystal - talk about your testosterone trio!