Almost every day, someone asks if I ever flat iron my hair. I say, 'No, because I'm afraid it wouldn't look good and wouldn't come back curly.'

I always make fun of KISS because I don't particularly think their music is anything.

My manager has a car payment, so I work every night.

I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'

Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable.

I have to go out for lunch and dinner because I can't cook. I need a woman to come and save me from my cooking.

Me in drag is kind of scary, actually. It's frightening. I actually look pretty good.