You know I have about the same interest in jewelry as I have in politics, horse racing, modern poetry, and women who need weird excitement – none.

A shot of brandy can save your life, but a bottle of brandy can kill you.

Probably no greater honor can come to any man than the respect of his colleagues.

I'm a fatheaded guy, full of pain. It tore me up not having you.

I improve on misquotation.

When I'm married I want to be single, and when I'm single I want to be married.

It's better to buy one good pair of shoes than four cheap ones.