A young bride can put on makeup at 6 in the morning and look fabulous at midnight. I have about a 15-minute window where I actually look good, and then I have to wash my face and start over.

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

Wake me up when I'm a size 5.

This is a business meal. The calories do not count. I am mentally labeling these as 'business calories' so my body will know they were eaten in the line of duty and will process them differently.

I can't tell my conscience from my insecurities.

All parents believe their children can do the impossible. They thought it the minute we were born, and no matter how hard we've tried to prove them wrong, they all think it about us now. And the really annoying thing is, they're probably right.

I understand the sensitivities of grown children with little ones of their own!! They'll turn away a mother full of advice, but they'll never say no to one holding a mop.